First off, I take anti-depressants. Or rather, I SHOULD take anti-depressants, but I keep forgetting. Generally I'll get to the end of a pack and then I'll forget to drop in the request for a repeat prescription to my doctor, or I'll put it off for some reason. Whether this is down to some deep seated self destructive behaviour or just general lazyness on my part hasn't been confirmed yet, but the upshot is that I haven't had any anti-mad drugs for about a month.

In other words, I've come off them cold turkey, and it hasn't been entirely pleasant.

However, I started to go back on them a few days ago. Now, I have felt calmer and more focused in the past couple of weeks but felt like I ought to be on the meds, so taking them again would be a good idea. So far it hasn't been. I now feel angry at everything, tense and agressive. I don't like it and there's no reason for it, other than going back on the drugs. They didn't effect me like this when I first started taking them, but I starting to think that maybe that was when I REALLY needed them.

I have always viewed my medication as a kind of crutch. When you break your leg, you use a crutch while the leg heals, but eventually you need to stop using the crutch and do some physio to build up the leg again, otherwise you become reliant on the crutch. I think my "leg" is finally healed enough that the crutch is doing more harm than good. Time to put the drugs away, I feel.

P.